Sometimes It’s hard to tell

Man needs inspiration

nothing worse then feeling imprisoned with no perspective

we need to inspire one another, regularly, with vision and intelligence

and face the truth

and be courageous when faced with adversity and failure

nothing worse than being wrongly judged

being abused

having no say

being ripped apart

being lied to, cheated

we all need vision after all, clarity, help and support, mutual respect, fairness, understanding, reliability

get stronger

be calm and empowered

trusting ourselves and one another

work, thrive,

always thrive for truth and balance

and above all

respect

and love

“…where were you when I fell from grace, a frozen heart, an empty space…

…something’s changing and it’s your eyes, please don’t speak, you’ll only lie…

…I found treasure not where I thought, peace of mind can’t be bought…

…still I believe…

…I just hang on

suffer well

sometimes it’s hard

it’s hard to tell…”

…but it’s getting better every day

Happy New Year

I wish everybody a very happy, joyful, healthy, loving and inspiring year. May peace prevail Lots of Love.

Deep waters

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Let the boat go

Stay at shore

Take your backpack

Cross the continent

And then another

And yet another

No attaches

No sorrow

No mourning

For they weigh your boots down

And you need to keep on walking

Think of it as it was

Just one more and last time

Kissing it goodbye, with love

With light

With ease

…..

…………….

Have the courage of your own life

Easter

Easter two thousand and seven: gorgeous sunny easter monday. We meet up in the Vondelpark. A couple of drinks. Nice and interesting talks. Charming togetherness and desire to spend more time together. Nervousness too. A lasagna. And then later on another drink elsewhere. Next to each other. Hands so close to one another. Wanting to stay there. She’s wearing her green dress. She shows me an exerpt from “The Zahir”, by Paulo Coelho, subtitle “A Novel of Obsession”; from Wikipedia: “The Zahir means ‘the obvious’ or ‘unable to go unnoticed’ in Arabic. The story revolves around the narrator, a bestselling novelist’s search for his missing wife, Esther. He enjoys all the privileges that money and celebrity bring. He is suspected of foul play by the authorities and the press of having a role to play in the inexplicable disappearance of his wife from their Paris home.

Thereby, the protagonist is forced to re-examine his own life and marriage as well. The narrator is unable to figure out what led to Esther’s disappearance. Was she abducted or had she abandoned their marriage? He comes across Mikhail, one of Esther’s friends. The narrator with his help realizes that to find Esther, he must find his own self. Mikhail introduces him to a tribe who has unconventional ways of living. Through the narrator’s journey from Paris to Kazakhstan, Coelho explores various meanings of love and life.” The exerpt she picks is the one about the distance between two carriage horses, looking in the same direction. We leave late. We seal the evening with our first kiss… A few days later I buy The Zahir and read it the following weeks.

Easter two thousand and eight: terrible weather, snow and hail, incredibly cold for this time of year, a lousy sunday. We talk hours on the phone, in the evening. I’m feeling awful. Broken. Devastated. We never spoke like that, in such an unfriendly manner. I’m in shock. Just two days earlier we were having a great dinner in a exceptional restaurant. That was our last evening together. We crashed. And I’m falling and have no parachute.

Easter two thousand and nine: ?

In the meantime, I have thought so much about her, me, my attitude during the past few months and why did this crash occur. And I go back in time. I realize essentially that

I wasn’t able to love her enough.

Truly. If I had, and been more self-sufficient, our story would have kept on cruising. It’s a huge lesson. To structure myself, love truly and not needingly.

Why couldn’t I be happy with how it was.

Fool.

I went out yesterday to an electronic dance party. Great. Seeing and feling all these people – very eclectic audience – happy and enjoying the music as one – made me feel good. There’s a whole world out there. Peaceful, respect, love. A discovery for me, I’ll go to more. The atmosphere there is simply great and special.

Now “The Zahir” takes even more meaning as I feel my path is somehow similar to the main character’s one.

A & B

Let’s say it’s A and B. And let’s say that it doesn’t matter if they’re man or woman, nor from what culture nor nationality, race, nor age. That doesn’t matter. What does matter is that they met and what took place.

They had a good contact. A “good thing” going on. They kept in touch and got to know one another. A was too eager to get close to B, and went too fast. They got intimate. They delved into intimacy. That had to.

But soon after B said that this was going way too fast and felt uncomfortable. B felt lost. There was so much good in this, yet something didn’t feel right. In fact, it had gone too fast for both. Or maybe even inadequate. But how can you tell on the moment? Everything in both of them was urging towards intimacy, share, be together, love one another. And at that moment, nothing else could ever and would ever count.
A became very upset because of A’s uncomfort and became sort of fanatic. B also became obsessed. Unable to think properly. That was something that hit them both. Neither of them liked it.

It got to the point that they just weren’t able to communicate with each other anymore. They just didn’t know how to, and felt too tired about the whole story. So they both reatreated. Both needed some air. See other things, think other things, feel otherwise.

They lost touch.

Never forgot anything though.

Lots had been said.

So much.

And lots hadn’t.

It was in no way a failure, it had been opening up to a person; bliss; pain; doubt; joy; a discovery, a form of love for someone, or more, whatever that may be.

…and that’s all what I have to say about that.

as a casualty of hopes

It had become time for other activities, ‘get back to yourself, let go, and stop ploughering yourself with thoughts about the unreachable’. Let go, this had become the main  obvious direction, sadly as it were. Dreams showed an ex-employer demanding justifications, and ex-colleagues not to be trusted, and a chase that proved to result in more disorientation than anything, somewhere in Belgium. Why Belgium? … In a garage, asking the way. ‘I’m on foot’ – ‘What, without a car?!?’

Bathing in the sun, the regretting and realising there was little or no control possible over the course of things started a reflection: how is it that we strive for things that really matter for us – at least things that we believe really do – and yet be left there, at the end of it all, powerless to make things the way we dream them? Are we all but casualties of our own hopes? And is what we hope for, in fact, precisely not what we really need? There seemed to be more truth and sense in picking things as they came along and presented themselves on the way. Pick the unexpected; in this was more truth in that it makes you react directly as yourself, with no disguise. Everybody having his/her personal agenda. This point had been forgotten and now was the time to re-realise it. But still, feeling powerless felt like something unfair.

So the conclusion of it all was, perhaps, what is stated here above in the first line: let go and just pick the day for what it has to offer. It might not be easy to manage at times, but most of the time it will. Self expression and your own personal path is what this is all about. The challenge lies in breaking cyclic patterns. Yet no clue as to how to deal with frustrations. And a huge, too huge, need for love. Ratio would give answers as an attempt to calm down the inner emotional being, and somehow it would soothe, but it would never solve. A real confrontation would. Through burst and pain and expressing and letting go and perhaps anger too. When and how? Hammer the nail.

sun∙day after∙noon walk

The story

What would you do?….you make the choice.

Don’t look for a punchline, there isn’t one.
Read it anyway.

My question is: Would you have made the same choice? At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning-disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended.  After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

“When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.
Where is the natural order of things in my son?” The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. “I believe that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the  world, an o pportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.” Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay  knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, “Do you think they’ll let me  play?” Shay’s father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of  belonging and some  confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

Shay’s father approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if  Shay could  play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, “We’re losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we’ll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.”

Shay struggled over to the team’s bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. His Father watched with a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart.

The boys saw the  father’s joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay’s team scored a few run but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be  in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In  the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay’s team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat. At this juncture do they let Shay bat and give away  their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew  that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn’t even know how to hold the bat properly, much
less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay’s life, moved in few steps to  lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward  to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the  ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher. The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay  would have been out and that would have been the end of the game. Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman’s head, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the  stands and both teams started yelling, “Shay, run to first! Run to first!” Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.

He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled. Everyone yelled, “Run to second, run to second!” Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards  second, gleaming and struggling to make  it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could  have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the  pitcher’s intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman’s head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners  ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, “Shay,  Shay, Shay, all  the Way Shay” Shay reached third base because the opposing  shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of  third  base, and shouted, “Run to third! Shay, run to third!” As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, “Shay, run  home! Run home!” Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for team.

That day”, said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, “the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world”. Shay didn’t make it to another summer.
He died that  winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his father so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfullyembrace her little hero of the day!

AND NOW A LITTLE FOOTNOTE TO THIS STORY:
We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people hesitate. The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.  If you’re thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you’re  probably sorting out the  people in your address book who aren’t the “appropriate” ones to receive this  type of message. Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can  make a difference. We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to  help realize the “natural order of things.”

So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice: Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it’s least fortunate amongst them. You  now have two choices:
1. Delete
2. Forward
May your day, be a  Shay  Day.

A few words

Been googling the word ‘Karma’ – got some answers. Here, a few quotes:

“There is no one path to enlightenment

There is no one path to enlightenment. All paths lead back to Oneness.
There is no one truth. Truth is relevant to the believer. Your truth may
not be another’s and vice versa. Each one of must find their own personal
truth inside themselves and then they must walk their own path of truth.

Each entity has chosen their path to re-awakening before incarnation. The
path they chose depended on what they as individuals wished to accomplish as
well as what their Soul Family needed and wished to accomplish.

Within the physical body you are but a spark of the Divine Being you are. A
minute glimpse of the Light you truly are. For you are ONE with ALL THAT IS!
I know you have heard that statement before, but did you ever really stop
and think what that means?

Your individual soul is enormous…multi-dimensional and living many lives
in many different places. Your individual soul has an oversoul which
contains the many lives “you” have lived. These are called ‘aspects’ of YOU.
You are now in the process as you ascend calling unto yourself all those
many aspects and once you become ONE all learned, creative, psychic powers
gained will be available for your use. Use them wisely. Remember …”Do no
Harm!” What you give out comes back full-circle.”

” In Buddhist teaching, the law of karma, says only this: `for every event that occurs, there will follow another event whose existence was caused by the first, and this second event will be pleasant or unpleasant according as its cause was skillful or unskillful.’ A skillful event is one that is not accompanied by craving, resistance or delusions; an unskillful event is one that is accompanied by any one of those things. (Events are not skillful in themselves, but are so called only in virtue of the mental events that occur with them.)

Therefore, the law of Karma teaches that responsibility for unskillful actions is born by the person who commits them.

If there are no persons at all, then there is no self and no other. There is no distinction between pain of which there is direct sensual awareness (which is conventionally called one’s own pain) and pain that is known through inference (conventionally called another person’s pain). Whether pain is known directly or indirectly, there is either an urge to quell it or an urge to cultivate it. Whether joy is known directly or indirectly, there is either an urge to nourish it or to quell it. In the conventional language of speaking of events personally, the urge to quell all pain and to nourish all joy is known as being ethical or skillful or (if you like) good. The urge to nourish pain and quell joy is known as being unskillful, unethical or bad.

Being fully ethical is said to be impossible for those who make a distinction between self and other and show preference for the perceived self over the perceived other, for such perceptions inhibit being fully responsive. Being fully ethical is possible only for those who realize that all persons are empty, that is, devoid of personhood.”

“The Hindus believe that everything in the Universe is in the state of creation, maintenance or destruction. The Hindu trinity of Gods Brahma (creator), Vishnu (maintainer) and Shiva (Destroyer) correspond to the states of creation, maintenance and destruction. At the thought level, the mind creates a thought, maintains (follows) it for some time and the thought ultimately dies down (perhaps to be replaced by another thought). The Hindus believe there is a fourth state of being (called Turiya) where the mind is not engaged in thinking but just observes the thoughts. Actions in the Turiya state do not create karma. The practice of meditation is aimed at giving individuals the experience of being in the Turiya state. An individual who is constantly in the Turiya state is said to have attained Moksha. In such an individual, actions happen as a response to events (and not because of thought process); such actions do not result in accumulation of Karma.”

Happy meditating!