I’m a mirror

26 06 2006

I'm a mirror. I talk like you talk. You could call me a chameleon. You talk a language, I talk it back. You could call this hypocrit, you'd be still very far from understanding. I do it for peace. Don't laugh. And then when I've had enough, I provoke you, sometimes aggressively. It's my only pipe. I provoke you. Not because I have anything against you or so, just because I do need to hear the truth. About what? Just the truth. About anything, about you and me and anything that we encounter and see. I do my best. To be a part of the big scramble. But it's hard and always a failure.

After the break-up with my ex, I'm trying to keep together. Not that I regret. We didn't match – say, 100%. Still, there was something at the bottom that kept us going for a while; the same kind of pain, I think. So now I'm pouring this out in the open. I "shouldn't", I guess, according to certain protocols. But I don't mind, this is my blog, this is my diary, who judges has a personal issue to work out (then get on with it fool). How to carry on can be, of course, very simple, for me it isn't. My ex told me today on the phone "Being so moody like you… it must be difficult". Sure. But I don't know any different, I've always been like that. Tell me. How does it feels to be "stable" in emotions? Show me that it exists. Anyone, show me. 

But no one will. And I'll just keep on typing on this useless blog, night after night, and cobwebs will start piling up around and on me.

I have many ideas. And I'm very creative. And those will keep me going for a while, and then one day, an explosion and then silence, when, I don't know. And the chameleon will keep on looking for a personal truth (which he has already found, and the core is belief, belief, belief; and that's the hardest). 




2 responses

26 06 2006

I am also sad in that way, my ex and i stoped our relation too, and i know that is very hard to let go someone that we still love …
But loving is to let that love go in freedom, if doesnt come back, it means that it was not ment to be…and we just have to move on…

27 06 2006

wow. speechless. painful. beautiful.

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