Sweat the pain out

15 05 2008

I came accross a friend in the park with a friend of hers. Nice chat, relaxing. Clear my mind.

Then the friend left and it was just me and her. She told me something really good, that was really great and supportive to hear, “Of course a breakup is difficult, live it fully, completely, to the core and the end, get it out. Until it’s gone.” This is what I’m doing, living this pain totally to its end, to the core. It’s like being ill, really. Your body fights and sweats the virus out until you recover. This time, it’s called ’emotional pain’. Talking of which, I am partly sick. Nose, throat, bowels, fever. My physical and emotional bodies are so tired. The emotional pain led the way to physical illease. Low energy levels, need to eat well sleep well see friends and do some Tai Chi or Yoga. I react violently at times, at others I’m just under the weight of this huge pain. Often I don’t recognize myself at all. It’s really like being under an incessant assault. I’m not being overdramatic, quite the contrary. People who have been there know just what I’m talking about. The good thing to know right now is that it won’t last, I’m just fighting my way through it, advancing through this sea. It seemed without end, which is what I told my friend and that’s why it was so a ray of hope to hear what she had to say about it. She’s been there. The past few days/weeks, I litterally went nuts. Lost it, as it seemed. And each time I felt I was getting better, there it was again, just around the corner, this demon, not letting me go. That’s how it felt endless. You loose sense of perspective. But this afternoon, after this chat with them, the air was, and still is, a bit cleared. I don’t know what the evening/night will bring, nor tomorrow. But there’s a bit more perspective now. Some sense of getting back to my equilibriuum. But it remains an unstable zone.

When you loose a parent, and both my parents passed away, the pain is just overwhelming, its dimension is just so huge, all of your reference points have been dispersed all over the place, and it’s hard, a huge job to get a grip on things again, make sense of things; you are forced to find some sort of new structure for yourself. And your body and automatic pilot take over until you’ve more or less put things back into new places for yourself. But you know that it’s the natural cycles of life and death. The pain is huge, but somehow you do know where you’re at. You just have to cry (and I still do once in a while, when waking up at night, in a teardream), live, carry on.

In the case of a breakup, it feels similar, except that the other person is still around but you can’t connect to him or her anymore. In other words, you know that it doesn’t have to be that way, that you both can still start over again. And so when the other one just doesn’t want to do that, you feel even more desperate.

That’s what I had to say for today. Oh no, one last thing. I bought Eckhart Tolle’s latest, must-buy and beautifully spiritual book, “A New Earth” (thanx Francis 😉 ). Started reading it. I can already highly recommend it.

Cheers all 🙂

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One response

16 05 2008
nans

wise words…you live it, you feel it and it slowly fades away. If there are good moments in between the bad moments its good, they will last longer and longer… you’ll get there. And so will I and all the others that are in some sort of crisis….
hug

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